Everyone who is anyone is well aware that the 2008-09 Cavaliers have finals aspirations, and, frankly, are playing the highest quality basketball a Cleveland fan has had the pleasure of witnessing since the days of Austin Carr and sports' most revealing shorts. The sole reason for our success has been the acquisition of living legend Wally Szczerbiak. Just Kidding. However I do want to take the time to illuminate and commend the efforts of the Cavs' unsung hero and NBA international heart-throb: Wally.

Indeed, it is Wally's World, and we are to consider ourselves blessed to bask in its glory. It's easy for the common basketball fan to get all caught up in the superstar hype that dominates the NBA storylines, and downplay the real stars of the league such as Wally. Cavs' GM Danny Ferry may have reached a low-point in his NBA career after this unfortunate run-in with Shaq, but Getting Wally Szczerbiak to play for the Cavs is what Danny Ferry will be remembered for in Cleveland. Recently, Wally's lucrative expiring contract has been the source of trade speculation. On the court, Wally's game cannot more aptly be described as by 'white'. Slow and un-athletic, Wally relies solely on his shooting ability and positive mental attitude to help his team win games. However, I wish to focus on the winning intangibles that fans and sportswriters largely ignore when it comes to Wally.



-" This season, Szczerbiak has averaged an astonishing 15 HFPG (High-Fives per game) and 6 FPPG (fist pumps per game), both leading the Eastern Conference and surpassing his previous season high's. These may not show up on the ESPN stat sheet, but the impact is clearly conspicuous on the court. It is obvious that our team unity is at an all-time high, and you better believe that Wally is the source. KG can act and yell all he wants, NO ONE brings the zealous spirit and fervor for the game like big W can.

- " No one on the Cavs squad holds a candle to Wally's superiority in attracting preppy white girls. Since Cleveland acquired him last season, the players' parties and groupie following has seen a surge of college-age white chicks that normally would not be considered jersey chasers. Is it the masterfully constructed hair? Is his chiseled features? Is it his snobbish Miami education? It just takes one trip to Oxford, OH to recognize the impact of poster-boy Wally. Perhaps you will notice the frequency of Wally jerseys around campus. It won't take long to find the popular Cosmetology school, just look for Szczerbiak Hall.

- " Everyone knows about Szczerbiak's three-point stroke, but no one considers his high-flying dunk ability. This is because he can barely dunk. A negative you say? Hardly. On the occasion where Wally gets a free lane to the basket and chooses not to shoot the standard set-shot from mid-range, his eyes light up as he goes in for the imminent slam. When Wally throws down, the crowd erupts into a fanatical frenzy. Fans at home can't help but spring to their feet and yell "BOOM-SHAKA LAKA!!" while the bench explodes with pleasure and exhilaration. The other team is wildly embarrassed (understandably). Naturally, Wally completes the experience by treating us all to his signature fist-pump, wooing every woman and man who is able to witness the rare treat.

High-Flying Wally

- " Perhaps his greatest strength is Wally's tremendous upside. No, not in Basketball terms. He gets slower, whiter, and less valuable every year. His upside, rather, is in his marketability. Lebron James has publicly stated that he dreams of becoming the first billionaire athlete. Not if Wally gets there first. Marketers have already begun to realize his potential. His jersey sales are in the top 500 for the league. His shirts, cards, and assortment of hair products are difficult to find. However Szczerbiak is able to transcend just basketball, as Wally's gorgeous head of hair has deeply penetrated the gay community. Wally is a prominent figure on the popular Gaysportsblog.com, exciting the gay community especially after the sexual innuendo Wally displayed after this play.



Here Wally gives us a taste of his modeling versatility: Blue Steel, Ferrari, and Le Tigra (left to right)

No, Wally Szczerbiak's on-court performance this year will likely not directly lead the Cavs to an NBA Championship. As much as I don't want to admit it, I believe the Cavs would most likely be better off trading his ridiculous contract for a more talented player. There, I said it. However Wally's unique skill-set must be considered. What Wally lacks in skills and ability, he makes up for with the rare intangibles his looks and spirited love for the game provide. I'm Ron Leb, and I proudly live in Wally's World.