The NBA- Where Amazing Happens? This is the Crime Mobb Team.
Compiled by Jeremy Rothstein

PG- Darrell Armstrong

This man was broken in half later that day.

July 2003, the then Magic, now New Jersey guard, was arrested with battery of a female police officer after the officer tried to remove a fighting Armstrong out of a street in front of a nightclub. Armstrong had been denied a ride in a taxi and this aggravated him, at which point he refused to leave the street, blocking traffic. Officer Teresa Joyce attempted to get him out of the street and Armstrong slapped her hands away, severely spraining her left and middle ring fingers. "Don't put your hands on me, that's all I'm saying," said Armstrong. (Also worth noting the Sergeant of the Orlando police's name at the time was Orlando Rolon).

SG- Tony Dumas

Instead of a mug-shot, Tony submitted this signed card to the Dallas police.

While playing for the Dallas Mavericks in the spring of 1996, Dumas was charged with misdemeanor assault after "he punched his pregnant girlfriend and dragged her across a roadside during an argument". He was acquitted six months later. Naturally, Texas state law stipulates that this would have only been a felony if she had been actually giving birth during the fight, but it is still unlikely he would have faced conviction.

SF- Vernon "Mad Max" Maxwell

Moments before wrestling the entire Sacramento team to the floor and intentionally giving them herpes as well.

Arguably the MVP of this team. While punching a fan in the stands who allegedly taunted his wife for having a miscarriage may be justifiable, its a stretch to say that his indecent exposure charge for putting his penis against the glass of his car after a slight traffic accident, his unlawful possession of firearm, his drug possession, his kidnapping, assault, and failing to pay child support are certainly not. To add to this All-Star caliber of societal perfection, Maxwell was forced to pay a woman for knowingly giving her genital herpes, was known for doing cocaine before his games, and once showed up drunk to a game against Tennessee while in college. And finally, attempting to determine if his son was actually his biological son, he paid his 3rd grade son $40 to not tell his mother the results of the test. The child did.

PF- Reuben Patterson

"I do what I want!"

To summarize Reuben’s magnificent career would be both a disservice to criminals and basketball players everywhere. Instead, here is a list of his rap sheet:
-2000- Misdemeanor assault outside of a Cleveland night club. He broke the jaw of a man who had scratched his car. Sentenced to six months in jail suspended, six months of probation, $1000, and 80 hours of community service. NBA suspended him three games.
-2001- Attempted rape of his children's 24-year old nanny. Sentenced to a year in jail. Suspended for five games by the NBA
-2002- Felony domestic charges. Charges dropped.
-2003- Felony domestic violence after attacking his wife in their Portland home. He was released from jail after teammate DEREK ANDERSON posted $1,000 bail.

C- Sly Williams

This was Williams' kidnapping van. Hey ladies, do you like candy?

From the Binghamton, New York police wire: " Former NBA forward Sylvester "Sly" Williams pleaded guilty August 19 to kidnapping charges just before jury selection was to begin for his trial...Williams, 44, was charged with first-degree rape, sodomy and first-degree kidnapping for allegedly holding a woman captive for about 24 hours and threatening her with a knife in September 2001. He was also accused of raping a second woman in January. The two cases were consolidated...Williams, a college star at Rhode Island, was a first round draft pick by the Knicks in 1979. He played for the Celtics in 1985, but was released before the end of the season. Williams was working for a pipe and plastics company at the time of his arrest. “Apparently he was not that Sly. Har. Har.

Jer Rothstein is special to TAC
theaustincarr@gmail.com